I've been having normal days this week. It's nice to have a change from roller coaster to normal. If there is such a thing...but that's besides the point. I've been playing on my piano lately, which is nice considering I had like a 2 year break from it. Art hasn't been a major priority to me either, or rather, it became only a thing I did every once in a blue moon. I'm focusing on that now too. Its almost like I'm falling back into comfort zones to fill the boredom spaces in my days.
I fear for my future because I do not know what it holds. Part of me believes something will happen, for good or not, I know something is to come.
I'm in a mood today and I'm not really sure how to take it. I'm pondering things and listening to wondering songs of mellow-ness. Wow I make up a lot of words...but you get the jist of it all.
There is no such thing as Normal...infact I believe one who thinks Normal is normal is only accustom to the things around them, thus, coming to the conclusion that it's "normal." That shouldn't of even of been invented as a word. If you think about it, the world relies on this word. People see something that's always there, say the Celebs and such, and see that they're skinny and sexy...so their conclusion is that its normal and people are more attracted to it. I don't know, i'm just thinking to much..rambling really.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Moving out troubles....
My good friend Kenzee Jo asked me to start a blog so she could keep up with whats going on in my life currently. Considering we used to talk all the time and now we're limited in our contact I decided it wasn't a bad idea. (I still Love you Kenzee!!)
Alright, so I'm going to treat this as a diary almost.
I've been kinda on this roller coaster, I believe we call it Life, and I just wanted to tell you some things going on. When I graduated this year things began to change. I was finding it hard to be the same ol 17 year old that I was due to some family matters and crappy friends. I kinda just woke up one morning with this whole new attitude to fend for myself and to forget those who've wronged me or who were currently not doing me any good. I even started fighting with my parents, my Mom mostly because she was being a little overly protective and I was just sick of it. But while all this was going on I was getting happier. I was being ME and I liked it. I started finding out some things about myself and the things I knew I truly believed in.
Its nice to finally figure out the type of person you are because then you can Rock people's socks off with YOU.
I got a Calico cat of whom I named Cookie because her colors remind me of cookie dough. She's a spaz and really reminds me of me. I'd say, if I was a cat I would be her incarnate. Cookie was most likely one of my highlights this year.
My best friend, Niki, and I had been planning for a few years for the two of us to find a place and move in together and live our lives as roommates side by side in a sisterly relationship. And for the past 9 months we actually got serious about it. We planned really well, and I did a lot of work in order to make it work. Pulled some strings and made a few compromises...but then FOUR times in a row Niki failed to commit to it.
Our first try was sometime in June where we found her dog a home for a while until we got a place of our own...her mom pulled the plug and said, "no." I guess at the time I forgot that Niki was infact older than I and she could very well tell her Mom "no." too because she wasn't a kid. She was 20.
But she let Blanca pull the shots and our plans were postponed. The next try came around just before June ended, like the first weekend of July. We were going to go to Colorado and pick her up when her Dad said their vehicles couldn't make it to the Colorado boarder...this I knew was a lie considering the summer before Niki and I had ridden with her parents all the way to Portland Oregon. But, with a build up of anger and confusion, I let her Dad tell us "no." again. I about gave up on the dream/idea when Niki and I had a talk. I told her that she was old enough to make her own decisions and if she really wanted this she needed to show me some how. Our friendship was being strained and I felt she hadn't done anything to make this happen. And for a long while I felt as though she didn't even want too.
The third try came around the middle of July where we decided it would be a good time considering she put in her two weeks at her job in Colorado and she had just finished her time. But then the Bank she was using got in the way and she had lost her wallet...that included all her ID's and social security card......ugh
By this time I'm extremely angry, and felt highly betrayed by my most trusted companion. I bit my tongue and kept my mouth shut and let my family belittle my feelings. My mom liked to tell me an aweful lot, "You know Niki's not coming, so why do you keep pushing this??" or "I don't think she's coming...find a place just for you." I wanted to hurt things...
Then..
Niki told me she would be down for my Birthday, as an ultimate birthday present. She said she'd be down the 3rd or 4th week of August and it would be final. I didn't really believe her but I presumed the hope and kept my head up high. The day before my birthday arrived and I call her...only to find the bank was garnishing her wages due to her lack of payments...(she lost her wallet which meant she couldn't cash her checks from work which meant she couldn't pay her bills...) I hung up. What a gift right?
But I was prepared for it. So needless to say Niki is not moving down here and I guess it just wasn't meant to be. If we...or rather, I tried so hard and got nothing in return I suppose it just wasn't my path.
Directly after that my friend, Roxanna Guith, (I call her Roxi) asked me to move in with her in her apartment. Hurt from my previous attempts to move out I said yes and jumped right on it. The last few days I've been grabbing my stuff and slowly making a place for myself at the Fox Hill apartments. And just today my first batch of drama occured. I roll my eyes at this because it's truly pathetic and it makes me think I am just going to be a source of income.
Roxi informed me her mother expects me to pay my half of the rent THIS month..(which ends in a few days) and I havn't even moved in.....why would I pay my half of the rent if I dont live there yet?? Hmmmm...my first suspicion that I'm only a source of money for Roxi. I spoke with my mom about this and she said to tell her "no." considering I don't live there yet.
Besides that, Fox Hills doesn't allow pets and I can't really move out without Cookie (my cat). So she has to be a secret and I'm a little nervous about that. We have seen a few people with pets around the place so we think if they can get away with it, then so can we....maybe.
Alright, so I'm going to treat this as a diary almost.
I've been kinda on this roller coaster, I believe we call it Life, and I just wanted to tell you some things going on. When I graduated this year things began to change. I was finding it hard to be the same ol 17 year old that I was due to some family matters and crappy friends. I kinda just woke up one morning with this whole new attitude to fend for myself and to forget those who've wronged me or who were currently not doing me any good. I even started fighting with my parents, my Mom mostly because she was being a little overly protective and I was just sick of it. But while all this was going on I was getting happier. I was being ME and I liked it. I started finding out some things about myself and the things I knew I truly believed in.
Its nice to finally figure out the type of person you are because then you can Rock people's socks off with YOU.
I got a Calico cat of whom I named Cookie because her colors remind me of cookie dough. She's a spaz and really reminds me of me. I'd say, if I was a cat I would be her incarnate. Cookie was most likely one of my highlights this year.
My best friend, Niki, and I had been planning for a few years for the two of us to find a place and move in together and live our lives as roommates side by side in a sisterly relationship. And for the past 9 months we actually got serious about it. We planned really well, and I did a lot of work in order to make it work. Pulled some strings and made a few compromises...but then FOUR times in a row Niki failed to commit to it.
Our first try was sometime in June where we found her dog a home for a while until we got a place of our own...her mom pulled the plug and said, "no." I guess at the time I forgot that Niki was infact older than I and she could very well tell her Mom "no." too because she wasn't a kid. She was 20.
But she let Blanca pull the shots and our plans were postponed. The next try came around just before June ended, like the first weekend of July. We were going to go to Colorado and pick her up when her Dad said their vehicles couldn't make it to the Colorado boarder...this I knew was a lie considering the summer before Niki and I had ridden with her parents all the way to Portland Oregon. But, with a build up of anger and confusion, I let her Dad tell us "no." again. I about gave up on the dream/idea when Niki and I had a talk. I told her that she was old enough to make her own decisions and if she really wanted this she needed to show me some how. Our friendship was being strained and I felt she hadn't done anything to make this happen. And for a long while I felt as though she didn't even want too.
The third try came around the middle of July where we decided it would be a good time considering she put in her two weeks at her job in Colorado and she had just finished her time. But then the Bank she was using got in the way and she had lost her wallet...that included all her ID's and social security card......ugh
By this time I'm extremely angry, and felt highly betrayed by my most trusted companion. I bit my tongue and kept my mouth shut and let my family belittle my feelings. My mom liked to tell me an aweful lot, "You know Niki's not coming, so why do you keep pushing this??" or "I don't think she's coming...find a place just for you." I wanted to hurt things...
Then..
Niki told me she would be down for my Birthday, as an ultimate birthday present. She said she'd be down the 3rd or 4th week of August and it would be final. I didn't really believe her but I presumed the hope and kept my head up high. The day before my birthday arrived and I call her...only to find the bank was garnishing her wages due to her lack of payments...(she lost her wallet which meant she couldn't cash her checks from work which meant she couldn't pay her bills...) I hung up. What a gift right?
But I was prepared for it. So needless to say Niki is not moving down here and I guess it just wasn't meant to be. If we...or rather, I tried so hard and got nothing in return I suppose it just wasn't my path.
Directly after that my friend, Roxanna Guith, (I call her Roxi) asked me to move in with her in her apartment. Hurt from my previous attempts to move out I said yes and jumped right on it. The last few days I've been grabbing my stuff and slowly making a place for myself at the Fox Hill apartments. And just today my first batch of drama occured. I roll my eyes at this because it's truly pathetic and it makes me think I am just going to be a source of income.
Roxi informed me her mother expects me to pay my half of the rent THIS month..(which ends in a few days) and I havn't even moved in.....why would I pay my half of the rent if I dont live there yet?? Hmmmm...my first suspicion that I'm only a source of money for Roxi. I spoke with my mom about this and she said to tell her "no." considering I don't live there yet.
Besides that, Fox Hills doesn't allow pets and I can't really move out without Cookie (my cat). So she has to be a secret and I'm a little nervous about that. We have seen a few people with pets around the place so we think if they can get away with it, then so can we....maybe.
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